a lesson in mercy (CAPC series)

*For the past several years, I’ve been contributing to an amazing site, Catholic Attatchment Parenting Corner. (What can I say, I’ve really got a thing for niche-writing, yeah?) Due to all kinds of life circumstances, the site won’t be live for much longer, and the editor and creator of that site will be focusing solely on her other (wonderful) endeavor, Intentional Catholic Parenting.  So I decided to run a few of my old articles as a little mini-series, so they can find a new forever home here. Some of them are recent, and some of them were from a few years ago, but I hope they all speak to the experiences of different stages and moments in motherhood. *

IMG_3595(My clearly perfect children who obviously never cause a commotion in Church. <insert belly laughter here>)

The Mom and the Sacristan: A Lesson in Mercy

I’m in the narthex of the church again, trying to pay attention to Mass while Grace stumbles around stacking and unstacking the brochures on the display table. Pretty much the same place I am every Sunday, at one point or another. I’m cool with it.

But this Sunday, about 20 minutes into Mass (yeah, we didn’t make it that long in the pew this week. Sigh.), I glanced out the window to see a woman crossing the street, holding the hands of two small children, pulling them along, looking determined and in a rush. She made her way across the street and into the church. But she camped out in the back with me and a few of the other parents of young kids. I gave her a quick, sympathetic smile. I tried to imagine the circumstances that culminated in her pulling her two boys into church 20 minutes late, the hustling and frustration and finding shoes and making sure everyone had breakfast. I noticed her boys, the younger probably around 2 or 3, and the older boy, who was 4 or 5, who had Downs’ Syndrome. She gently took off their coats, found a spot against the wall, and then started to attempt to calm the boys down.

They were being very . . . how shall I say? Well, very much like YOUNG BOYS. They were running back and forth, hand-in-hand at times, but not being so loud that they could be heard within the church. She was doing her best to get them to behave, be still, pay attention. I could see her frustration mounting. She was having one of those days. But she was trying. She was there! In that moment, I prayed for her and her boys, thanking God for wonderful moms like her that showed up on Sundays despite all the reasons it would be so much easier to stay home. I prayed for graces for her, who so clearly had her hands full, but was soldiering on valiantly.

No sooner had I finished this prayer than a female sacristan, intent on some task that brought her across the narthex, gave this poor woman a withering look, shaking her head in disapproval. I saw this mother’s face fall, and she looked like she might burst into tears. And then, I heard her say, “You guys, if you can’t behave yourself, we’re leaving.” She quickly gathered up their coats, bundled them up, and walked out the door.

I’ll admit, my first reaction was anger. Anger that this unkind sacristan had driven this woman out of our church. That when faced with an opportunity to welcome or to chasten, she chose the latter. How unkind! How very unlike Christ! This mom, who had dragged her kids to church on this cold, windy day, was “turned away” before being able to receive communion. “Is this how we welcome people to our family of faith?!” I fumed.

As I sat and prayed through the rest of the Mass, I realized that being angry at that sacristan was not only pointless, but it was also as unkind as what she did to that mother. I don’t know what pain or anger or frustration was in her heart. Who knows what she overcame to be there today. Maybe it was more than any of us. That’s between her and God.

But I did keep thinking about it, and the more I reflected, the more I questioned where in my life I had been the sacristan in that situation. Where had I met an annoyance with condescension or impatience? When had I put myself at the center of the proverbial room, caring little for the hearts of others? When I thought about it this way, I realized we are all guilty of this. We all fail in charity at one time or another. And while this experience today was so poignant because this women literally walked out the doors of the church, we do this all the time on a broader level. When we demonstrate a lack of gentleness, kindness, or peace, while professing to be Christians, we are indeed driving people away from the Church. Maybe not literally, but certainly just as effectively.

Instead of judging ourselves or others harshly when we fall short, let’s call on God to give us the grace to fill in the gaps for us. Where we are impatient, He is forbearing. Where we are quick to anger, He is tranquil. Where we are unkind, He is merciful.

I wish I knew this woman’s name and had her phone number. I wish I could tell her, “Hey, great job today! I could see you were really trying to do something important for your boys. Come back next week and our kids can trash the children’s chapel together? Yeah?” I know I can’t do that. But I can be more mindful of where in my life I’m drawing people into God’s love, and where I’m driving them away.

12 thoughts on “a lesson in mercy (CAPC series)

  1. This is why we need some sort of “solidarity” hand gesture, to acknowledge the mutual craziness of our children, even though we bring them to Mass! I’ve seen too many other families having the same struggles and leaving Mass right after communion, and I really want to tell them what a great job they’re doing!

    1. Yes! Like in Hunger Games, right?! Some Sundays it basically feels the same. LOL. Solidarity, sister!

  2. I agree with Rosie. We need a hand signal!

    But what a beautiful reflection on the sacristan. I don’t know that I would have been so kind.

    1. Let’s start a signal! Although, we’re pretty easy to spot, so maybe a hand signal isn’t necessary. We’re just the ones in the back of the church with wet hair and a frazzled look on our faces. Haha.

  3. Ditto on the hand signal. Some way to know that we’re all in this together.

    I tell myself (not sure if it’s theologically sound) is that there are special graces for people who find it challenging for whatever reason to attend Mass and do anyway.

    That way when my 3yo runs out of Mass saying he’ll just wait in the car (which actually happened last weekend), I can tell myself that those extra graces are just piling on.

    1. There are DEFINITELY graces for people who struggle to attend Mass! The whole concept of redemptive suffering was basically MADE for people who bring their toddlers to Mass. 😉

  4. I’m glad I found your blog and this article. I have a toddler too and I feel for those who are struggling with their ‘restless angels’ in church. I’m in the same boat. You were really nice to pray for that mom. We need each other for support.

    1. I can only hope that at some point, someone prays for me as I’m trying to wrangle my crew. I need all the prayers I can get!

    1. It’s so hard- I find almost always that the first step toward being more merciful to others is a healthy dose of humility for myself.

  5. Thanks for sharing! I think that we are all guilty of having narrow vision at particular stages of life and failing to show the right tolerance for those who are struggling. This post would be a great addition to my Rocking Ordinary Linky Party. Drop in and link it up!

    1. Hi Kerry! I totally missed your link party, but I’ll be sure to catch you next time. I took an extended “baby moon” from blogging and I’m just getting back into the swing of things!

Comments are closed.